Angel_SLQ's Little World: [Dairy] Passion, Insecure, Dream *First Caroling

It's just a word

The first caroling that I did, together with Josephine and Serene, was great. Shall I force myself to say great? Shouldn't it shall be great but I don't feel it at all. Just pile of facts and disappointment I had in myself. Many people had been telling me this,

"You shouldn't have too high expectation on yourself."

I'm sorry, but it is impossible for me. I hated myself for been like this but.... I couldn't help it. I just want to show the best performance to the audience. My team mate did well but not me. I'm sick and tired of me always complaining about my skill in this blog but this is the place where I could freely voice out my thoughts.

First performance : Boyfriend - Let's Get It Started

There wasn't any respond from the audience, it scared me. Really. This is the first time that I had this kind of audience but well, that is the respond from them throughout the whole performance of our team. Just by the first perform, my confidence dropped.

2nd performance : Our Love Made A Difference

I had nothing to talk about.

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Nothing much to share about. Many question was in my mind after all those performance even thou we got 1st place. I was shocked we got 1st place when the other team was really a pro thou. I totally had no idea why those elderly voted for us when they don't seem to like our perform. But well, thanks them for this name.

"Am I the cut for this road?"

I can't really believe all those good comment been given to me from all those kind youtuber because I can't believe in myself. I always asked myself do I really have that talent? Does hardwork really overwin talent? I know that all those reader of this blog will be sick of hearing all this thing.

Just leave if you don't want to hear it. No one ever ask you to read anyone open-dairy.

"Why am I born out to have most of the important thing been taken away from me?"

I asked my mom.

I'm just insecure about myself. I'm just scared that I couldn't make it. I'm just afraid that my performance couldn't win those audience over. I'm just afraid that I'm too full about myself. I'm just afraid that I couldn't improve no matter what I do.

Honestly, I'm tired and I need a vacation.

But, I never want to have a break.

I'm afraid that I will be left behind while everyone is climbing up to a higher level.

Sometime, I does wonder how can I help myself? There are times when words can't even express how I felt because no one will understand. They will only think of their own way when they don't even know how that person felt.