I hate the fact that I'm had high expectation on myself. I got to admit that I wanna to be the best in everything that I did. No matter in dance, singing, study or sport. But..I can't be one. Why can other be one that is good in most of things while I couldn't? This world isn't fair, AT ALL!
Without doubt, I felt insecure after every dance class. I looked at other dancer and the things that I thought at that moments is, "How can they be so good? I wanna be just like them. Why can't I?".
What is the things that is blocking me from going forward? I don't understand. I don't want to be like this any longer. It is tiring.
I knew it all along what is the reason why I'm like this. It was because I felt insecure about myself. I don't know what I'm good in. I don't wanna to give it up even I knew that this isn't my talent and the path that I should take, why am I like this? I just want to have a skill that I'm good in, just one. Why can't God give it to me? I always asked this.
After dancing for 8 month (?), I don't seem to improve much. I admire those that dance with feel, while I'm just a stiff human. Even others told me that I did well, I couldn't accept those words into my mind no matter how hard I tried. There is just one voice that kept telling me that I shouldn't let other win. I'm afraid that my position will be gone and no one will notice me any longer.
I wished that I could dance like them, the one that is filled with right attitude and feel but I couldn't do it no matter how hard I tried. Maybe I'm not comfortable with myself? I don't know this any longer.
I just know that I wanna keep improving myself.
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