[Dairy] Confusion

I’ve always imagined the moment I step up on stage
The warm sunlight, the lights that would spill on top of me as I grab the mic

Now I’m starting this long journey to go into your heart
When I get lonely, when I feel like crying, I’ll hold your hand

Oh I dream – are you listening to the song that will move you with my voice right now?
For you to never be trapped alone in the thick darkness,
I will forever sing for you

I write and tear up this letter tens and hundreds of times
Why is love only so heavy to me?

I cry, I cry all day till morning comes

I don’t know if that’s the sun or moon, I don’t know if it’s day or night

Right now it was school holiday and I had only one week and 4 day left before school started again and we will be learning a new skill to our course. Honestly, I was excited. Somehow, I was interested in flower arrangement, wow! I had an image in my mind. I could be a wedding planner and a floral designer in the future if I doesn't reach my dream - maybe. Why? Simple question. I asked myself this and the reason why is because I would like to have those prefect wedding that girls will like to have it too, so why not make it come true for others? 

맞아요.. I couldn't put any hope in anyone any longer because all I get was disappointment. Most of the people that I had high hope in, just treated me as someone to entertain them when their best friend isn't around to talk to them. Am I a toy? Am I a plush toy? I'm not a fool, I know who you are. Everyone love her for her out-going personality and everyone seem to get sick and tired of my temper and I know that I shouldn't blame them because I brought it toward myself. I deserve it. Call me a fake or what, just get out of my sight if I make you hate me so much,너?

 No matter how much I had done in a single day, I had never once felt that I did anything. I will always asked myself what had I achieve by the end of each day and I was answers by a silent within my head. I will always sighed and scolded myself for not working hard enough and for been lazy. Sometime I really hate how I was grow up like because it defined what kind of person I am and I hate it. 

For years, my blog entry had always been in a mess because I had no idea where to start and all the things just jambo up and I just typed out what came into my mind in weird order. I had always wonder what is the things that I'm really good in. Isn't natural that came to skill where you doesn't need to put in lots of effort to achieve good result but that doesn't goes to me and it does let me think that I doesn't have a talent. I wasn't lucky but I'm lucky too. Look at how confuse I can get just by myself.