Angel_SLQ's Little World: [Dairy] Unforgettable Memories

Today it's Tuesday.

It been such a long time since I last posted an entry. For the reason is because I felt that my writing skill had dropped since I don't really have the mood to write about my life any longer. I think that my post was boring and all those shit. But, I'm ain't gonna give a damn anymore. This is my blog. My open-dairy that I could share with everyone about myself, my life.

Few days ago, I felt as if someone had given me a tight slap across my face in order to wake me up from all those negative feeling I had in my hearts. I was thinking could it be my guardian angel? I believe in guardian angel after what happen this few day. Even while walking home alone, I was spacing out till I won't know where I'm walking. I will either nearly fell or cross the road when there's car. It was lucky that I'm fine.

For the past few days, I suddenly felt that I couldn't be a better person. I felt so useless and I hate myself. Seeing myself as a monster, I don't know what to do. Whenever somethings went wrong, I will start to think negative and start to believe that I couldn't make it become better but I was wrong. I was really wrong. Been negative or positive is a choice that we should make throughout our life,

We could envy others but still, life goes on after all. Someone told me that today and this really let me put down all the stress that was on my shoulder.

I want to be successful in my life. I don't want to be someone who just take a test because I want to leave the school so I could start working and start a family. No. I'm ain't gonna be like this. I want to be someone that do things with much passion.

"Everybody could reach their dream. It is just the matter of times, amount of passion and the thoughts of not been a loser, but a winner." -Angel_SLQ

Slowly by slowly, I will learn how to walk and how to start running. I will take a baby step toward my goals in my life. There's so much to be done. In the past, I was this type of person :

"Oh shit. I was so bad in this. I need to be super good by next day."

Thinking back to how I was in the past, it made me laugh at myself. Right now, I understand a quotes.

"Good result always came from practicing."

It came from practicing a thing over and over again until you don't feel like doing it anymore.

Sometime, even words can't explain how I felt about myself. I felt as if no one understand me. I felt sorry for showing everyone faces whenever I'm upset or angry. To me, showing how I felt is normal to me because I don't like hiding it inside me since it make me think I'm a fake.

I shown it out but no one were happy about it. I ruined their mood and I'm really guilty for that. I can't be good temper. I'm just being me, the girl with bad temper. But I know I'm wrong in been like this. All of my friends were so strong. They didn't show any faces to anyone when they're not in the best mood. They still put on a smile and chat with others. I couldn't do that and I got to learn how to do that.

"Sometime, you don't need to be yourself." -Choonhuat aka my best friends for 9 years~

Whenever I looks through my phonebook, I have no idea who I should call when I really need someone to talk to. It is not that I don't have friends and it isn't because I don't love my friends. I love them a lots. I love them more than I love myself or my family. I put them on the same level as my passion. Without them, I'm nothing at all. They're the sun while I'm the earth. But, I just couldn't bring myself to call them and pour out my feelings.

(When a guys cry, it make me want to cry T-T)

I'm unhappy with myself but what can I do? I could only silently hide it inside my hearts. I know that everyone was unhappy with themselves about something in them. That apply to me too. I just hate everything about me. I just don't believe in myself yet I don't know where the hell I get those strength of keep going on.

I want to live up to my dream and my passion. It was my life, my path and my choice. I never want to forget my dream. Those ray of lights that shine on my face, those loudness that I heard, those smile I saw, I never want to lost this dream. It's isn't because of fame or money but for my passion. My life is to perform on stage.