[Dairy] Obstacle Life

I wished that my life is just a bad dream. I wished that all those things that happened in my life wasn't real at all cost. Asking me not to compare myself to others people's life because we're all different is totally not possible. I has a competitive spirits living inside my little body. I wanted to be the best in everything that I do because I want to be known by others by my own names but not others'. 

For years, I felt sorry for giving silent treatment toward many people but that is something that I couldn't handle well. I couldn't help but stayed silent when I'm upset. You can't expect me to smile at you when I'm in the middle of bad mood right? I can smile for you all even when I'm breaking inside but unless you guys ain't the reason why I'm breaking on the inside. If you're, sorry. That is none of my problem to make you happy. I was born to live my own life, not to entertain you. 

So many things had always came toward me like a tons of bullet and I doesn't even know how to handle it. All I could do is avoid it but not to solve it. A palm full of lines.. A life full of obstacle to overcome but eventually, I will get what I want if I overcome it. I wonder if that was the true or just a fantasy story. 

What obstacle had I overcome in those 17 years old? 

Honestly, I had no idea. But I guess I will get the answers once I look back into the past right? But, I hated those past - so much. I was afraid of been alone at home. I missed my mom. I missed my childhood friends. I missed all those memories. I'm someone that couldn't let go of something that easily, no matter how hard I tried to. I hate been alone even thought I had to and I'm kinda of use to it. In my life, there is only full of - why? 

Been honest, I'm tired of working. I had no idea why. I seem to get tired of a things fast. No matter how hard I tried to questioned myself about this job, I couldn't get an answers of wanting to quit or stay. I need money so I always forced myself to do something that I doesn't like. Toward others people, working might seem to be a meaningful time as they got to be busy and earn money. That's my good thought about work too but I never ever want to do something that I doesn't like to do even it was for those money. 

I hate losing and I will climb higher.