"Seeing your smile,seeing you everyday are enough for me."
"Standing here looking at you from afar, hoping to be notice."
"It's okay even you don't,because I will notice you no matter what."
"If only time stop at this moments when you looks at me."
"All the past was just a non-fiction,if only it's as wonderful as it's in the fiction."
Once again,staring at the screen and my hand just don't know what to type about. I was totally speechless by everything that happen. What is it that happen? I guess nothing happen but it's my emotionally that make me like this?
I'm a person that find it really hard to express my emotional to others. By the time I want to open up to them,they turn around to me, I will auto put on the others cheerful side of mine. It's not fake when I'm happy,it's just that I have two side. I guess everyone have it. The cheerful side , the emotional side. I'm just those kind of persona that can change to both side in just one second . I'm weird and I'm happy about it. That why I'm have a 4D personality that even I find myself been weird.
I think I'm crazy.One second I was smiling,the next second my eye and face are fill with worry.
I know been emotional won't help anything but I guess I can't help it when I'm so untalented and non-potential. I always don't think myself as a great person. I always look into the mirror and scold myself. I will scold myself than I will change to another side of me and answers myself, the circle repeat. I know I sound crazy but this is me. I'm lonely.I need truth.
That why I talk to myself and point out all my flaw and than cry my heart out before I keep quiet and once again pick myself up. Crying let me felt better. I might seem like a tough person but I cry easily when no one are looking. Inside my hearts, tear are dipping, drop by drop. Slowly , the tear are overflowing.
I will only cry in front of that person if I trust him/her or unless I can't really control it.
I'm always waiting for that one person that I can fully talk about EVERYTHING. I'm waiting and I will always be here waiting for a person that can understand and accept me as who I am. That person that will support me no matter what happen , even when the earth are gone.
Maybe that person won't be here but I will carry on waiting for it.
Show me some care too....Please ...don't just care about her. Don't you all know that I need some care from you all? All this thing that happen and have make change inside myself. I'm just keeping silent and waiting for someone to notice. I'm not a toy..Don't treat me as one. I don't belong to anyone. Don't pick me up when you need me and throw me aside when you don't need.
I don't want to be chess on your chessboard .
The only time I can forgot all the stress I have is when I'm reading a novel. It bring me to another world that don't exist in this world. Since young, I'm a big fan of fairytale. I always believe that everyone will have a happy ending,everyone will have their own prince/princess,everyone won't be alone and everyone will be understood in the end.
But
As I grow up,I know that it don't exist. Maybe it does but it will never happen in my life. Never and never that it's going to happen. I don't believe and I don't want to believe because I know it's not gonna to happen in my life. I'm meant to be alone .
I'm just glad that when everyone left me alone on that chessboard once again,the only thing that don't left me alone is music.
I will only let one person in my life to see my emotional side , a totally different side of me that not even my parent saw. Mostly people always saw me as a girl that have a tough personality,bad temper,rebel,cheerful and one of the "guy".
But I will let that one person see a totally 360* side of me . The real me. The me that have a weak personality that trying to act as a strong person,the me that cry easily,the me that was one of the most emotional person you have ever seen, the me that felt insecure. I will only one person to see it , till now , no one is that one person. I will see in the future if any of a person can make me get out of my tough shell and that person are truly special in my life.
I'm not a easy person. I won't accept anyone easily in my life. Even I'm easily get happy if a person did something for me but I won't place them as that one person. No one can replace that one person in my heart. Even I don't know who is that person, it's a mystery but that one person are still important to me. The most important in my life , much more important than myself.
I won't give up on my dream no matter how hard it's going to be. I know how hard it's to be and it's really gonna be really tough. But no matter what I do , I can't give it up. This is my passion , the only passion I have in my life . Even I'm untalented and non-potential,I'm still going for it. Thanks for thinking I'm stupid and thanks for the negative comment because it make me wanting to prove to those hater that I can make it one day and they help me know my flaw and improve it. Thanks, you're wasting your time on me if you think it will make me give up. Don't waste your time.
"Once my mind is made up, I won't give up till I reach it."
Call me stubborn,call me a fool,I'm still not gonna give up.
Just because of you, who are you to me?
I'm the leader to myself, I , listen to me! Me me me!
You gonna get out of my life! Get out of my life !
Stay if you're with me , LEAVE if you're not.
Not a toy! Not a chess! Get your facts right!
My life , you care , out you go.
I like people to care about me but not those type that care about what I got to do like
"No! You can't do that. You got to do this instead! "
I listen to myself , who are you to let me listen to you?
Stop controlling my life , not even I get down when my dad control me.
I hate people that control me , it's like taking my freedom out from my soul.
And
I hate people that lie to me.
But those that did it to me before,it's all in the past. Forgive and Forget. It's all over. So it's fine.
Anyway,see this. I wonder if it's paste up or draw up ...
It was really wonderful! Creative!
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