[Dairy] Maybe One Day...

Have you ever felt lost in yourself?

Those dream you had,are already numb to you,

because you start to doubt yourself,you're afraid.

In this year,you doubt yourself,you hate yourself,

you felt as if you don't know anything,but,

That special feeling in your heart that's burning,

You doubt yourself when you once again started to dream.

Maybe one day,you will be on that stage.

The road in front of me is so dark..Full of darkness.

I'm afraid of darkness.

I'm just afraid of the thought of me walking down the road,by myself.

I say it before,I'm afraid of darkness.

Whenever I go,there must be light.

I can't see a thing without light.

When can this tears dry up?

This dream are too hard for me,but I'm not gonna to give up.

I started to doubt myself,my ability.

I started to asked myself what thing had kept me going for this dream for the past 6 years?

I guess is the passion that is deep in my little heart.

I can only bite my lip to keep me from crying out loud.

I can't lost to the fate.

I can't lost to myself.

I can only do my best.

This road,there's nothing but me and the darkness.

There's not a single sound.

There's no one around to help me.

I'm by myself,those darkness surround me.

I can't see anything but just keep walking forward.

I can no longer turned back because I'm afraid that the darkness will ate me up.

There's only two thing I'm afraid of in this world.

Height and Darkness.

It's scary.No one had any idea how much I wanted to hide whenever I'm in a dark place.

But...No no matter what happen,I got to smile and move on.

Maybe...Maybe...

One day,there will be light at the end of this dark road.

Than I can finally close my eye and sleep deeply.

Only to be awaken by the sound of the bird and the brightness of sunlight. 

I never knew I love dancing so much till I sat down and think back those memories where I used to practice dance when I was young,no matter where I was.

I started to dance when I was just 5 year old.

I remember the younger version of me,standing in front of the TV and following those step that those star do.

I remember the younger version of me,dancing in my pre-school whenever I was free,together with friend.

I remember the younger version of me,dancing on a large area,full of grass and sunlight.

I remember the younger version of me,dancing in a dance studio in school.

I remember the younger version of me,practicing dance happily with my friend even I'm not great.

I...remember the younger version of me,begging my mom to send me to ballet lesson.

I never really remember those memories till I looked back.

I remember those passion that is hidden inside my little heart,I smiled and taken them out.

I smiled at them and say sorry to them,sorry for mistake.

I used those passion I had,those dream I had for been on stage.

To dance for 30 minute non-stop on stage today.

That feeling was amazing.I never felt so amazing feeling in my life before.

I knew,the stage is my whole life.

Maybe I don't belong to there but ....

Maybe one day,I do.

I never really knew that I started to love performing since 5 year old till now.

Thinking back,it been such a long year and here I am.

I'm such a failure.

No wonder my family don't support me.

No wonder no one believe in me.

No wonder I don't believe in myself.

The worst thing that happen in my life is not when hater in Youtube dislike me or anything.

It's when your own family are the hater.

Maybe one day my tears will turn into the tears of joy.

I hope to be welcome by the sunlight and smile from those that once exist in my chapter of novel.

My life is a novels,I can't change the past but I could make it better,because I'm the author of myself.

Treasure what you have now before you regret. 

The best moments in our life is not when we had fame or money,it's when we are having fun with our loved one.

Sometime,it's just hard to believe in yourself more than others.

Sometime Music are the one that let me see the reality.

I looked back to myself and I asked myself,where is the pure and happy me?

Where have I went to?

Standing in the younger version of me,I look at the current me.

The younger version of me asked me with innocent face, "Unnie,why does this other unnie looks so emotional?" 

I tell my younger version and cup her cheek, "That Unnie is going after her dream.You will go through the same thing when you grow up too." 

"Will she remember me when I reach her age?Will she remember how I felt those passion in me,right now?" The younger version once asked me.

Those word brought tears to my cheek.

I might be the best.

But I will try my best.

I'm starting those passion from today onward.

I will do my best in everything.

I always wonder one thing.

When I get old and die,will people still remember me?

Or am I just another character in their novel?

No matter how much  I blame myself,I got to forgive myself because that's the only way I could go.

To me,Music is my parent. 

They taught me lots of thing that teacher,friend or parent can't taught.

But I still got to go on.

They're like my heartbeat falling to the end.

 I will chase it forever and ever,till my last breathe are taken away.

But what if others are perfect?

Maybe,one day I could say to others, "Anything is possible" . 

Because I don't believe it right now.