Your word are just like rain,gentle yet strong.
Once more,my heart goes to you,you won't know,
You must smile,just for her,selfishly for me,
I will smile too if you smile,even it hurts,
Just for you,for her,and selfishly for me.
I acted it out not because I'm weak,is because I'm strong enough to keep my emotional to myself.
Yes,I'm been weak today.Just the first period of lesson and I cried.
Seriously,I don't know why I cried too when Miss Jamie tease me.
Firstly,I never brought my science thing and I was hoping she will understand but turn out she's in bad mood plus many people never do their work and then she ask us stand up.When she came to me,she don't even let me had a chance to explain.
She just said, "Oh.So you change your hairstyle,and don't have time to do your work?"
At that current moments,it seem that my whole world had dropped down on me.
Firstly,I already felt insecure about my current short hair and then her words seem like arrow to me.
As I see,people don't accept me no matter what I changed into.When had this world become so judgment?
I felt angry,yes.I do felt angry at Miss Jamie,I don't hide this facts that I do.I don't want to listen to her at that moments.
I look out the class and then she come to me and said, "Why are you looking out the class?Seeing someone hots guy out there?Oh! From your direction,I saw (a guy from don't know which class's name),he's from my class.Is it you like him?That why you change your hairstyle?It look better on you.Don't you think so,class?"
Okay,if she's not a teacher,if she is a STUDENT saying those word to me,it's call TEASING.
I don't felt angry at that time.But embarrass and depressed.
I know I look down onto my table and the only thing that went into my mind is those LOUD LAUGHTER from classmate and those word that Miss Jamie say.
Now I know what's the feeling of been "bully". Not she bully me,but I finally understand those feeling of a person been left alone with no one to help them and then people laughing at them to tease them,all that stuff.
That feeling is really not good.
Without warning,my tear are forming.
Without another damn warning,my tear just drop.
Thanks for Jiaxin who pass me a tissues :)
I keep telling myself to calm down,this is just a small matter,what got into me?But all this thinking only make myself tear up more.Miss Jamie coming over to my seat a few time to ask if I'm okay.What can I say expect yes?What if I say no?What can she do?Time can't rewind,once done is forever done.Nothing can change the history.
She came and found me after science lesson and she ask me am I okay?Once again I say yes with a smile,pretending to be okay even I'm hurt by her word.Sometime she can be really straight forward.
She ask me what's wrong with me?Why do I seem so distracted today?I shrugged as I really don't know but I know she wanted an answers so I lied to her, "I felt guilty for not bringing my science file."
"And that's why you cried?" I just nodded my head to her question.
She told me I had become more and more sensitive now a day.I agree with her,I think so too.As I grown up,I become a sensitive person.Even a person post is not talking about me,I will think that it's about me.Maybe I felt that I lack in many thing and many people hate me.Yes,I felt unloved and I felt that everyone hate me.
Miss Jamie say that I'm one of those that have the potential to do well,so she wanted me not to be so forgetful.
"You're one of those that learn thing fast.You have the potential."
Those word run around my head till now,how I wish those word are not for my study but my dream.
Yes,once again I failed my audition.
All people that join that audition,failed.
How shocking is this..
The last word that Miss Jamie told me is, "I'm sorry if my word hurt you in a personal way,I'm don't mean it.I'm just trying to get your attention."
And she walked off like a queen LOL!! And me just hanged down my head,waiting for her to passed by.
I was totally surprise that she say sorry,I felt sorry too for letting her felt guilty till she needed to say sorry.
I kept asking myself why do I cried?
And I know the reason.
Before I cut off my hair,I told myself that I'm going to start anew.A new hairstyle,a new beginning.I'm changing to a better person.But seeing I got angry at her,I asked myself at that moments...Am I keeping to my own promise?No.
I felt disappointed in myself.
Secondly,I already felt insecure about my short hair and she used my short hair to indirect hurt me.For two times.The 2nd time is the most worse.There's even LOUD LAUGHTER by classmate.
I was thinking...Do I even know who the hell that guy she's talking about?NO! Then why use the LOVE words to joke. Seriously,I don't like people to joke with me about LOVE or thing I felt insecure about.
Thirdly,it's her that made me become depress and the more she came to me,the more I will become soft-hearted and then cried out.
The three reason. Yes,seem unreasonable but it's my own thinking and feeling.
NOT YOU!
WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!
When have everyone become so judgments?! Since when?!
Is it your problem when I cut short hair?
No!
Then for what you TALK about it or JUDGE about it. =_=
Mind your own problem then to mine.
Suddenly,someone I trust and like had broke my world. Just felt it hard to control my emotional at that time.
She's the first one who made me cried in public and the reason is her.
She's the first person that I ever fear.
She's the first person that I ever really trust in heart.
But all of a sudden,those tease turn those trust into nothing.
Yes,she might say she's evil but not that evil but I don't think she's evil.But not that good too.
She can be good,she can be evil.It's all up to her.
I don't hate her,I don't blame her.It's not her wrong but mine.
I'm disappointed in myself for been weak because I had been strong for too long.
I'm disappointed in myself for getting angry easily ONCE AGAIN.
I'm disappointed in myself that I can't open up to her or anyone else about my true feeling even I wanted to.
Most time,I don't even understand my own thinking or feeling.When I wanted to cry,I just cry out.
I admit I'm a crybaby.
Crying is the only way I express my feeling.
Today is the first time I ever cried because of teacher and I bet people been thinking I'm a weak person.Teacher scold than cry. =_= This is not the reason.There's many reason.
Do I regret cutting short hair?
At first the answers is no and I'm happy I got short hair but after seeing people laugh at it and tease about it.
ㅎㅎㅎ...No.I totally regret it.
No one wanted to accepted the change in me.
Why can't this world just set people free for one day?
When someone wanted to change,they don't allow them to change but when that person never change,they judge about it.Then what do they want?Something when a person did something,it's not because they want it,it's because they're been force to do it.
I need someone that understand me more then I understand myself.
People might leave us,but Music won't ever leave us.
I'm not going to give up.I'm not going to cry this time,I'm just going to get stronger and improve myself.
The beginning is risky and hard,not knowing whether we can reach it or not.
But if we work hard,believe in ourselves.We might reach the world of our dream,one day.
A new beginning,a new change.
I can't think straight because my heart can't feel straight.
I wish to become a confident girl.
I wanted to become a more gentle girl that seem cool too.
It's not possible. I'm born this way.
Just like how I can't change my look,no matter how much I hate it.
Even I want to change it,it can't be possible
When you're a K-POP fan.....
My dream is my everything,without my dream,I had nothing.Totally nothing.
I can't imagine my life without my dream..
Our own life,our own problem,we write it for ourselves.
괜찮아요, 난 당신을 기다릴 여기에 남아있을 것입니다. 네 인생에 상관없이 당신이 난 아니야 널 사랑이 필요할 때, 내가 널 위해 여기에 어떻게 될대로 돌아가 겠죠.난 널 사랑해,하지만 난 당신이 싫어요. 당신은 내 인생에서 내 전부에요,하지만 넌 몰라.내 감정을 숨기기, 난 당신을 위해 내 사랑을 숨깁니다. 당신과 함께 할 것을 보는 것은나에게 상처를 줬어. 당신과 함께있을 수 없다 안다는 건, 내게 상처를 줬어. 그 여자가나를되지 안다는 건, 내게 상처를 줬어.
나.... 당신을보고 싶어요
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