[Dairy] I Don't Know

I don't know what I'm going to post now.I just want to be honest in my typing.I don't want to fake that I'm happy or stress myself out to think of a topic to type.My hand for unknown reason,felt so heavy..Is there something stressing me out?I don't know..

Was watching "You're Beautiful" on TV while typing.I really don't know what I want to type about. I felt .... mixed feeling . 

I felt that I have no one to care about me.I felt that people always prefer other over me. I felt that no matter how well I did,no one will tell me , 'You did well.' 

I felt that I was treated unfair by my parent. They always give the best to my brother and treat him so well. I ask for a small thing and they say NO! While my brother ask for a big thing and they only nag a bit before they say YES! While....I just felt unfair. They don't understand me and just anyhow point those untruth thing to me.Yes,I don't even feel like talking to them and explain to them.I felt hard to talk about my thing to other people and I know they won't even understand even I tell them.

I guess I really felt stress even without myself knowing.My tear suddenly drop when my mom nag about me asking her can buy printer ink and she nag me.I don't know the reason why my tear drop,at the moments,I just feel like wanting to cry.I don't know..I felt confusing..

Yesterday night crying to sleep because of the lyrics I wrote.I was been emotional last night but that time I did not felt that depress,for no reason my tear just keep dropping one by one. And do you believe it ? You can really felt your emotional by your tear.Whenever I'm depress,my tear felt heavy and felt really messy on my face. But yesterday night,my tear felt light maybe it's because of a lyrics that why it does not felt that depress. It just keep dropping down and it felt really cold.Like water.Really like water with sound. I think I felt asleep while crying without knowing. 

I always cry to sleep if I can't sleep.That's my only way to felt tired and fall asleep without force.I always had trouble sleeping because my mind can't stop thinking.For no reason,I felt like crying now too.Aww..It's okay..Everything are fine.

If only have winter in my country right now.I will like to stand outside staring at the snow blankly,hoping that the coldness frozen my emotional and feeling. Hoping that the tear that drop down won't give a feeling to my numb face.I love been in cold place now a day,I find peace when I around coldness.I guess it's because I'm born in winter that explain why I love coldness..

I haven't even choose  a song for audition..How fail am I when it left 20 day! I don't think I can sing IU-The Story Only I Don't Know as the first part of the song notes are really low and JYP say it this time they want from the starting of a song.I'm not sure too.Will see about it tomorrow.I want to try record all the shortlisted song but than my family are at home..Aww..I will see about tomorrow.Let just try it out. Confident. 

SNSD inspire every moments of my life.

Yes,they inspire me.They give me strength to do better in my life .Even I know I will confirm still shiver during audition,I still want to do well. SNSD through their song give me a message telling me to be confident is the most important. Even I shiver and did not make it for the next audition,it's okay.At least I did try it out without regret.There's always another chance. Trust myself,trust my vocal,trust my body,trust my mind,trust heart and lastly trust SNSD and God. 

Even this is dream might not be my fate,I'm going change it. I'm going to reach it. I want to reach it no matter how many hard thing I got to take and no matter what I give up.For my dream,I'm willing to give up anything. You might think this's not worth it but I think this is all worth it for my dream. 

You can't felt the passion I have inside me to perform on stage for everyone to hear my vocal. For hearing the clap and seeing the smile from everyone face. You won't know unless you were me so please don't judge me without knowing anything.

The passion inside me that was burning for 6 year.I want it to carry on burning and hope that it will burn even more and more strongly.I want to stand on stage once again to felt the feeling.I want to hear the cheer,I want to see the smile I want to hear my own vocal in front of everyone. I want to do it. I keep my earpiece on to hear my real voice that I will hear on the recording mic. 

I have a feeling I have improve a bit but I can't confirm anything.Everything will be confirm by tomorrow.Even tomorrow if I don't improve,I will carry on working hard to improve myself.

Finish watching 'You're Beautiful' , time to stop my blogging too. And oh ya I create a lyrics call 'Just A Dream'. I don't know to post it..I will see about it :)