[Dairy] 진짜?

I must put an end to this,it have been following me,mess up my heart,

Nightmare,please stop coming into my mind,I miss you,

Living without you,is a nightmare,I love you,

Seeing your smile is my nightmare,I will only miss you more.

If only this nightmare turn into a beautiful dream,if only.

Tired,really tired of how my life is.

There're just so many thing I wanted to spoke,but my heart don't allowed me to say it.I hate it and I really hate those feeling I get...Always get those mixed feeling all of a sudden,all of a sudden had no mood.I hate it,because I never know what it mean.I don't know how I felt,I'm just like a blank person.

Always looking into the future,thinking how would it be like?

If you want me to treat you well,you better treat me well first.Respect me and I will respect you back even I don't like you.

I did have two personality,I can say that I'm acting good in front of another person but I just don't really felt that I'm acting.I can have two feeling at the same time,it's weird.

Whenever I judge someone because of people around me did that too,I think that it's true but once I get close to that someone that was been judge,I don't felt so judgement about them anymore.I just felt normal about them,they're human and I respect them but I can have another feeling at the same time.

I don't even understand myself,so I don't expect people to understand me.

Today Mr Pon told that everything have a story behind it.

I listen carefully and thing running through my mind when he say that.

As I was painting Tiger for another artwork,he say that there could be THIS story behind that painting.

Like...

"Orange mean sunshine.Tiger is one of the King in the jungle.You can say that this painting mean that you want to be a positive person and you want to like the Tiger,getting respect from others." 

This made sense and I was thinking of wearing like this.

The title of the painting is "A Insecure" 

"I wanted to become a strong person that can go on with live no matter how bad it is,just like a Tiger.I want to gain strength from thing I do,and get respect from others.Been feeling insecure,I want to be as confident as an tiger.Insecure kill,strength give us life." 

I think this should be fine. 

When Mr Pon was explaining,I don't know what got into me,I was really blank mind but with a confusing heart.I don't know what got into my heart,I don't know what it was feeling.Tons of image than flashed into my mind and mess up my mind.And that's when I know,there's a story behind my painting.

Tear,can you don't drop for at least one day?

Eye,aren't you tired of crying?

Even it hurt,you must smile,for her not me,I don't exist.

진짜 ?

몰라요 ....

Wrote it because I was inspired by Mr Pon.

I told myself,no matter how hard this life is,I got to be strong and carry on with it.

No matter how unlucky I felt I am,I must know that there're much more unlucky people in this world.

I told myself that when it's time to let go,I should let go.

I told myself that I should not lie about my heart,but I told myself to lie about it.

Should I try to cut layer bobs? 몰라요 ㅠ_ㅠ

I gave myself three mission for this year.

1.Improve on my skill of singing and of course,dancing!

2.Learn Korean. (Found a place to learn,waiting for their reply about the fee)

3.Go to South Korea at end of year for one month or week. 

I plan for mission 3 because I found out that for budget airline,going to South Korea only cost $369!! ~

I'm not confident about completing all three mission but I will try to at least cover 1 and 2 :) 

화이팅, 앤젤!!