[Dairy] So What If I'm Child-Like?

I always don't know how to start a post.My hand on the keyboard and stare at the screen not knowing what should I post about even I have lots of thing going on in my mind but I always stop myself from posting too much information here as this is public and everyone can see.I felt so stress and ..... I don't know what it felt like but my heart just have a weird feeling that I felt it everytime when I am down. I feel like been alone at that time but still I put on my smile and pretend as if I am fine. But inside it's building up...

I felt more and more ...... I don't know what is that feeling too but felt like the whole world crushing down onto me and my shoulder felt so heavy when I saw the Top 5 Tip For Audition By Avance Entertainment. 

1. Look and imge

2. Age

3. Vocal Skill

4. Special Skill (Rap,Dance,Acting or other)

5.Passion to survive in this entertainment world.

The first one .... I felt so ..... "My dream is gone now." Look can't be change even it can by make-up,company want natural pretty looks.I really envy those that looks pretty without even make-up. I don't know for what reason that I still can't pass a audition but I know my looks and height play a big part of it. Plus my skill sucks and I don't know Korean.

I guess I got to push myself to be more hard-working in learning Korean even it's hard. The more language you know the more high chance of getting into a company. I sound foolish for having this dream , I know but you won't know what I'm feeling because I'm serious about this dream , if not , I won't go for it.

I always talk about my dream in every post,I don't know why too. I guess those reading my blog are too tired of it.No practice again today....I really hate myself when I did not practice when there's time but when there's time,there's always someone at home till I scare my voice will annoyed them while they sleep or watch tv. Or when there's a fight in my family =__=lll Today all fight again over a TV and let me shout at them while trying to be reasonable with them and my dad keep say bad word and I really damn hate people saying bad words.Really. 

I can bet tomorrow I won't have time to practice too. I can bet. Good-bye this year audition. I won't even pass. Even I practice,I guess I won't pass because I meant to fail all audition...Even practice my voice are still like this.No matter what I do,my looks are still like this because I can't change it unless plastic surgery.

Hate my personality if you want. This is me. Accept it or leave it. I don't need your comment about my personality and change FOR YOU because you're not happy with my personality. Remember, this world don't belong to you ALONE. Keep your comment to yourself if you're not doing for their person good while will hurt till them and affect their life forever. 

So what if I'm 143cm? And so what if I'm short? This is me. I accept that I'm short even no matter how I wish I'm tall,just like my PE teacher say , it's natural. Insult me , tease me, I don't care . No matter how angry or hurt I am,you won't know because you say it without thinking about whether it will or will not hurt me . There's time to play and time to be serious. 

And so what if my personality are childish and baby-like or child-like? I'm like this. I'm not childish,I just love to have fun . In life , we must have fun and behave like kids sometime because if you're forever serious it won't be fun. If you disagree than I can't say anything but keep your comment to yourself if it will hurt other.